Payroll has just informed me of your refusal to approve certain expenses related to my recent field work in the United Kingdom. Specifically, the portion of the journey which relates to research on Headley Grange, Hampshire. I thought an explanation might be in order.

    Let me start by saying that I understand your reluctance, as an employer, to reimburse any employee for reckless damage to a rental vehicle. However, I assure you it was not recklessness on my part that caused the scratches and dents, which appear on the vehicle or the subsequent loss of the hubcap. True I was the driver, yet, being unfamiliar with that area of England, I was relying solely on the instruction of my navigator, my reel if you will, on telling me the correct turns, etc. to take upon the difficult approach to Headley Grange. I was instructed by my co-researcher/navigator (Rhys-Gruffydd) to turn down a road, which ultimately was not the correct road leading to the famous mansion. (I can't be sure it was even technically a road, however I do not recall seeing signs indicating "footpath" or "bike path".)

    Attached herewith is a copy of my receipt from the Fiat dealer in Worcestershire for replacement of the hubcap. Please review and reconsider your rejection of this expense. I could use this money in my paycheck, as, once it is converted to American dollars, it will just about pay for the two new Led Zeppelin greatest hits CDs that I am planning on getting. If this money is to be deducted from anyone's paycheck, it should be that of Rhys-Gruffydd, as she has put our lives at risk unnecessarily on a number of occasions. I won't go into that again — I know you've heard that story ad nauseum, suffice to say "Welshman" and "Lyfnant Valley".

Thank you for your consideration.

    I have been informed of a certain employee (MacBay) wishing to have my wages garnished for the cost of one new Fiat hubcap that was inadvertently lost during our recent research trip. I would like to protest this deduction, as I was not the driver and cannot be held responsible for the poor operation of the vehicle. It is true that I may have pointed us down the wrong road (or "path" as it were), however she could have turned around at any time. She didn't have to continue on until we were engulfed in hubcap-grabbing foliage, nearly unable to budge at all.

    Sir, I can give you another example of MacBay's reckless behavior with our rented vehicle. While searching for Mr. Plant's sheep farm in Wales, MacBay once again led us down an extremely narrow road in the Lyfnant Valley. She panicked and stopped at the first cottage she could find, only to bring us face to face with a toothless Welshman in bloodstained clothing. I'm certain he had some savage instrument concealed behind his back. Anyway, it was her bright idea to get directions from him, and while he did tell us exactly where we needed to go and was quite pleasant (for a murderer), I'm sure we narrowly escaped extreme personal injury or death.

    In light of these extenuating circumstances, I'm asking that you charge MacBay for the hubcap and that you consider revoking her overseas driving privileges in the future.

Thank you and best regards.

MANY THANKS TO OUR B&B HOSTS…

    For providing the ADRI researchers with a real home away from home! Also, many thanks for: the humor, the gossip, the connections, the translations, the directions, the suggestions, the blow dryer, the late-night coffees and — above all — that impeccable British hospitality. We'll be back (hopefully with our hubcaps intact)! Cheers!

Here are the links to our favorite bed & breakfasts:

Red Roof Cottage
Sandy Brooks & Colin Johnson
Maidenhead, Berkshire
www.maidenhead.net/red-roof-cottage

Drove Park Country Estate
Pru & Owen
Ringmer, East Sussex
www.drovepark.com/accommodation/index.html

Bromsgrove Country Hotel
Stuart & Vicki Gorman
Bromsgrove, Worcestershire
www.a1tourism.com/uk/a1161.html